Free PDF It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

Free PDF It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

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It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

Free PDF It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

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Audible Audiobook

Listening Length: 8 hours and 16 minutes

Program Type: Audiobook

Version: Unabridged

Publisher: Penguin Audio

Audible.com Release Date: April 26, 2016

Language: English, English

ASIN: B01ELP3ACY

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

This book is an important one that I'm glad that the author took the time and effort to write. However, since it falls under the "self help" genre, I feel its also important to make some distinctions about the audience this book best serves. Like another reviewer who wrote "avoid if you've overcome a toxic family", I think this book does not serve them well or anyone who was abused or severely neglected by primary caregivers, at least not initially in their healing process (and maybe not at all). I think a point not emphasized enough in the book is that the author himself spent 2 years on a spiritual journey BEFORE coming to the realization that emotional disconnectedness with his family was at the root of his own health problems (in other words, he did a lot of self-healing before attempting to connect with his parents). It makes perfect sense for him that re-establishing the emotional connection with his parents would be the logical solution to his own healing. Assuming his story is accurate about how his family was merely emotionally disconnected due to a mother stuck in grief and a father who suffered from low self esteem and there was not much in the way of emotional, verbal or physical abuse, this a perfect and beautiful situation in which re-establishment of emotional connection is the answer. However, in the case of abused and traumatized children by their caregivers, this is generally NOT the answer, and especially NOT the first step in the healing process. Abused and traumatized children have serious boundary issues, self-worth issues, difficulty forming healthy relationships, etc., that need to be dealt with first and foremost before attempting to restore relations with very unhealthy and toxic people who perpetrated the abuse. The caregivers are in fact the cause of the trauma and the issues and it is not simply a case of emotional disconnectedness with them. In other words, how can you emotionally connect with a person who is so emotionally shut down and disconnected that they abused their own children? It might be possible in some cases, but it is going to take a lot of energy and effort on the part of the abused child (now an adult) to make it happen and they may even put themselves in danger by doing so. Plus this type of therapy can place an intense internal conflict on the abused child to "make right" what the parents did wrong to them by trying to reconnect with them. I think that's where this type of therapy can do some psychological damage if the facilitator/therapist is not careful. If there is a way to utilize this type of therapy with abused children, this book did not cover it, at least not in much depth and did not recommend resources for people who come from those types of families and situations. I hope that will be rectified in a new edition or perhaps another book.

Despite the great reviews, as soon as I started reading, this book started brushing me the wrong way. What a waste of $5.24. As early as page 1, the author makes claims about the "latest scientific research" and offers no citation. On page 10 he claims a miraculous recovery of his vision. Are we to believe he ever had any eyesight loss at all? I don't. Chapter 2 is inundated with internet articles as his "scientific" sources. On page 29 he makes a strange claim about junk DNA being influenced by emotions that cannot be falsified by a simple web search at all. In this manner, this chapter is full of non- peer-reviewed quoting, such as "Yehuda *claims*", "Yehuda *believes*".Page 39 revealed why all of this seemed weak at best. I quote verbatim "Uncannily, the Bible, in Numbers 14:15, appears to corroborate the claims of modern science - or vice versa - that the sins, iniquities, or consequences (depending on which translation you read) of the parents can affect the children up to the third and fourth generations". The author proceeds to open Chapter 3 with a Bible passage.This is where to me, it is very clear this is all unscientific speculation based on confirmation bias and where I throw this book in the trash can.

The thesis of Mark Wolynn's "It Didn't Start With You", is that children absorb and act out intergenerational traumas in their families of origin, even and especially traumatic events that have been suppressed. Exercises are supplied to help readers uncover these traumas and to defuse their power.This is a brilliant book that immediately helped me to forge a hitherto undiscovered connection between a pressing life concern and aspects of my family history. I feel much lighter and more empowered since working through the many of the exercises prescribed by Wolynn.That said, I have extensively explored my family history in therapy, and was therefore able to use Wolynn's exercises to put together missing pieces. Without this previous therapy, I am not sure that I would have been able to use Wolynn's exercises constructively: the information might have been too explosive to handle on my own.While I endorse Wolynn's method, I would recommend that it be utilized under a therapist's guidance for those just beginning a program of self-examination. Uncovering trauma, including intergenerational trauma, can be a wrenching experience and needs to be undertaken in a safe setting. Better to undertake this process with a therapist, rather than independently.Bottom line: It Didn't Start With You is a superb book, and I suspect that Mark Wolynn's therapeutic techniques will help many. I recommend this volume to therapists and to stable, seasoned therapy patients without reservation. To those who are new to therapy and/or in an unsettled state, I'd recommend undertaking the exercises under a therapist's guidance.

I am deeply touched by Mark's book and happy to highly recommend it. He has found an inspiring way to share his personal life's experiences, those of clients he has worked with over the past 20 years and scientific research to create a smooth read, easy to follow exercises and a format, which really works to help one shine light into one’s own life and that of one’s family to bring forth subconscious patterns, which have been blocking one’s healing and forward movement. I've been working with clients for the past decade and have experienced quite a few growth opportunities of my own. This book came to me synchronistically as I had been searching for a core wound to heal my relationship with my elderly mother and it was Mark's clear path throughout his book, his vulnerability sharing his own struggles and the questions and healing statements he shared, which gifted me not only the clarity of the wound that I have been looking for for years, but also the tools to heal it.

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It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle PDF